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Ep6
This is a transcribed copy of Episode 6. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: Episode 5 Next: Episode 7

Brittnay: I don't know Mom! Why don't you give me a fucking break, ok? I had to break up with my boyfriend today. Yeah, because he likes fucking Gossip Girl more than Glee. God! Plus, I have a yeast infection. I don't know, mom, why don't you ask the bread loaf that's baking in my vagina? Get me some god damn Monistat!
(Deandra walks over to Brittnay)
Brittnay: Can I help you?
Deandra: Probably not.
Brittnay: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Deandra: It means whatever the fuck you want it to mean.
Brittnay: Listen, bitch, I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but—
Deandra: I'm Deandra. I'm new.
Brittnay: I don't give a fuck!
Deandra: Oh really? Cuz it sure seems like you do!
Brittnay: Well I don't!
Deandra: Well good!
Brittnay: Great!
Deandra: Fantastic!
Brittnay: Super!
Deandra: Awesome!
Brittnay: Great!
Deandra: Great!
(Trisha and Mackenzie walk on)
Brittnay: Oh my God thank God you're here, this fucking slut—
Mackenzie Zales: Not right now, Britt. Deandra, hi, Mackenzie Zales. I don't know if you remember me: head cheerleader, homecoming queen, part-time model.
Deandra: Yeah. You cursed me out in the bathroom earlier today.
Mackenzie: Oh my god, was that today? That seems like so long ago. Right Trisha?
Trisha: Yeah, that was like, literally hours ago.
Mackenie: You remember Trisha, right?
Deandra: Not really.
Trisha: Really? We talked, you pooped, I thought we had a connection.
Deandra: Sorry, uh, nothing.
Mackenzie: Allow me to introduce you to the co-head-vice captain of the Overland Park cheer squad, Brittnay Matthews.
Deandra: Hey.
Brittnay: Fuck off.
Deandra: You're the handjob girl, right?
Brittnay: What! Fucking Connor Devarnan!
Mackenzie: Anyway, Deandra, I'm glad I ran into you here. We would like to offer you a spot on the Overland Park Cheer Squad.
Brittnay: The fuck we would!
Trisha: The megaphone and pompoms are spoken for, but you can either have a baton or the letter zero.
Mackenzie: Um, that would be the letter O.
Trisha: Oh. That—that makes a lot more sense.
Brittnay: She can hold my fucking douche, okay, cause she's not on this fucking squad.
Mackenzie: Brittnay! Sidebar!
(Mackenzie and Brittnay walk slightly away)
Brittnay: What the fuck is going on?
Mackenzie: We are at war, Brittnay, and we need allies!
Brittnay: Why was I not consulted about this?
Mackenzie: Because you are the co-head-vice captain of the cheer squad! I am the head cheerleader! I have the last say on all personnel decisions. Got it?
Brittnay: Got it.
Mackenzie: Then fucking acting like it!
Trisha: So, um, did you... did you hear about Tim Wallis's new car? It's a Fiat.
Deandra: Oh. Cool.
Trisha: We have new vending machines on campus. They take credit cards now.
Deandra: That's great.
Trisha: (quietly) Oh god damn it.
Mackenzie: Deeeeaaandra—
Brittnay: They would like to formally offer you a spot on the cheer squad.
Deandra: I'm in.
Trisha: Really?
Deandra: Fuck no. You guys are assholes.
Mackenzie: Deandra. On the fourth floor of Oak Park Mall, next to the Gymboree, there is a bathroom. A bathroom that is reserved for only the most elite of Overland Park's elite.
Deandra: I've heard of such a bathroom.
Mackenzie: Hey Trisha, how nice is it?
Trisha: It's got potted plants, jumbo tampons, and a bidet for your vagina.
Deandra: I want to poop there.
Mackenzie: Join the cheer squad and the key is yours.
Deandra: I'm in.
Mackenzie: Congratulations. Jenna Dapananian will be contacting you regarding your uniform fitting. What size are you?
Deandra: I'm a zero.
Mackenzie: Me too!
Trisha: Me too!
Brittnay: Me too.
(Deandra walks off)
Brittnay: I swear to God, if this blows up in your face, you had better believe that I will take this megaphone and shove it up your ass!
Mackenzie: Brittnay, that girl will be the key to us regaining control of the girls bathrooms.
Brittnay: Wait, wait a minute, you lost control of the girls bathrooms? Where the fuck am I supposed to shit now?
Trisha: Oh, you can go to Jack in the Box across the street. You have to buy something, but I like their tacos.

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