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Ep68
This is a transcribed copy of Episode 68. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: Episode 67 Next: Episode 69

Matthew: A little higher... a little higher... there it is, perfect!
Justin: Hey, this is really starting to look good!
tanner: Alright the projector for the end of the year video is all set up. Thanks for getting that, Matthew.
Matthew: Oh, don't thank me. Thank my beautiful girlfriend and her hook up with the High School AV Club.
Tanner: Guys, for reals, thank you so much for helping me set up.
Blaine: Of course!
Matthew: We're a team on the field...
Blaine: And off!
Justin: Hey, where's Than with all the snacks?
Matthew: Ugh, let me guess, he's hanging out with his new best friend.
Tristan: I don't know, I think it's cute.
Matthew: Look, I'm a firm believer in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, but...
Justin: Fuck that guy?
Blaine: He's the worst.
Tanner: Ugh, thank you!
Matthew: Yeah, no, yeah, absolutely. F that guy right in his A.
Shaw: Yeah so I'm just like fuck it, and she fuckin' blew me right there in the fuckin' bathroom, man! It was the fuckin' best!
Than: Oh man, fuckin' been there, Sort of...
Matthew: Than! So nice of you to join us. Shaw.
Shaw: 'Sup.
Than: You guys, Shaw was just telling me this story about the one time he was at this Pennywise concert—
Justin: Yeah I think we heard enough to get the gist, pal.
Tanner: Uh, Than, you know you were supposed to be an hour ago, right?
Than: What? Really?! Oh Jesus sorry. I must have lost track of time. Me and Shaw were at the gym lifting.
Shaw: It was fuckin' leg day, bro.
(flashback)
Shaw: Come on bro, one more, one more, one more, one more, all you, all you, all you, all you. There you go, there you go, there you go! Sit on the chair, sit on the chair, come on, it's all you, all you, all you, all you! Oh come on, come on, come on, come on, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, YES! That's what the fuck I'm talking about!
Than: Ah yeah! I love it! I love when we just pretend there's no one else in here with us! It's great!
(present)
Matthew: Well, uh, that was certainly descriptive. Um.
Tanner: Than, please tell me you remembered to bring the snacks.
Than: Oh shit, was that me? I thought Justin was in charge of snacks.
Justin: What the fuck man?!
Matthew: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Everyone knows that Justin was in charge of fliers. He's the only one that knows Photoshop.
Blaine: Really good job by the way on those.
Justin: Hey, thanks man.
Matthew: Yeah, excellent job. The formatting and the font was excellent.
Shaw: Alright, me and Than'll go pick up some fuckin' crackers, Jesus, how much beer you got? Don't worry I'll get some beer. Hey you guys got ping pong balls? I'll get, I'll get ping pong balls. When I come back though, fill up those fuckin' red cups and set that table up, like I showed you.
Than: Alright, well, we'll be right back. Lates bros.
Matthew: Uh Than, can we... talk to you for a minute?
Than: Make it quick! I'm just kidding, Go ahead.
Tanner: Okay, listen, Than. We're all kind of worried that Shaw maybe isn't, um, a very good influence on you.
Justin: Yeah man, Shaw kind of brings out the worst in you.
Blaine: And the worst in you is pretty much the worst in anybody.
Than: What? What are you guys talking about? Shaw's the best!
Tristan: Oh trust me, I'm related to him. He's the worst.
Than: Oh come on, he told me if I ever go to California, he'll take me out hitting people.
Matthew: Uh, listen Than, we just think that, well, you kind of turned a corner in your life, and we've really enjoyed hanging out with you. I can't believe I just said that. I can't believe those words just came out of my mouth, but it's true. We actually value you as a friend.
Justin: But when you hang out with Shaw, you kind of revert back to that guy that we all, uh—
Tanner: Hate! Uh, we fuckin' hated you. Fact. We hated you.
Than: Alright. That was very honest.
Matthew: Yeah. Basically, what we're saying is you can either keep hanging out with Shaw or—
Justin: You can keep being our friend.
Blaine: But you can't have it both ways, man.
Tanner: So you're gonna have to make a choice, Than. I'm sorry.
Than: Oh alright, I mean you guys are my friends, you know, my real friends. Shaw's just, the coolest guy I ever met in my life, that's all. But, uh, I guess I can tell him that I'm just gonna, you know, start knocking it off. Alright, I'll go get you guys snacks, no problem. I'll see you guys in a few minutes.
Jenna Dapananian: (on phone) No no no no no Morty fuck you, Fuck you. Well you can tell Taylor that she's opening for Deandra, and if she has a fucking problem with that... then she can go shake it off. Fuck you, goodbye! Tanner! Tanner! Who's Tanner? Where's Tanner? Where is this guy? I need to talk to him!
Tanner: Hi Jenna, right here.
Jenna Dapananian: Alright, Deandra's coming in pretty soon, did you get everything that I put on her rider.
Tanner: Uh yeah, I mean there's a lot of food on there, but I got it. There's just one thing I didn't understand. Uh, it says here a six layer bean dip where one of the layers is skittles and the dip is cake. Is that a, is that a typo?
Jenna Dapananian: Uhhhh, no! Sounds like a six layer bean dip skittle cake! Jesus Christ tell me there is a six layer bean dip skittle cake in that fucking room!
Tanner: Oh um. Well, uh, I mean, I guess I can try and whip something up. I'm really good in the kitchen.
Jenna Dapananian: Yeah! Oh yeah! Great, great idea. Go do that! Fuckin get on it Tanner! Also, where's your bathroom?
Judith: Whoa, look all the stuff in here.
Rachel: I know! Chocolate fountain, caramel fountain, Cap'n Crunch fountain, whole milk fountain—
Judith: Oh good thing they got that milk fountain. That Cap'n Crunch'll just cut the fuck out of the roof of your mouth.
Rachel: Yeah, you know, maybe being in a band isn't so bad after all.
Judith: Yeah, hey let's eat.
Jenna Dapananian: No! No! That's for Deandra! Nobody touches anything until Deandra gets here!
Judith: What? Well how come she gets everything?
Deandra: Because she's the girl with the golden voice! Heh heh, good to see you everybody, thanks for coming out. Hello lucky people who get to indulge in my presence. Ah! Everything seems to be in order, yes, yes, yes. Um, I'm sorry, why are they here? Are they, uh, they cleaning the room? Did they, uh, not finish the job in time?
Rachel: Uh, we're in the band Deandra.
Judith: Yeah, don't, don't you remember? We drop all your beats.
Rachel: Play all your synths.
Judith: Mix all your mixes.
Rachel: We're supposed to be in the green room, bro.
Deandra: Right right right right right. Right right right right right right right. Right. Um, is there like another green room we can find for them? I mean, like, like a smaller less nice green room we can put them in? You know like somebody's closet, or like somebody's sink, or like, somebody's like underneath the sink where there's just like cabinets, something like that?
Jenna Dapananian: I'm sorry, uh, there's nothing we can do right now, but I'm working on it. I'll have it taken care of, I promise.
Deandra: Okay, moving on, where is my toilet? I specifically requested a toilet to be placed in the middle of the room so that I can properly perform my pre-performance poop!
Jenna Dapananian: Ugh, unfortunately, they couldn't do that because this is an actual house with actual plumbing. Ugh!
Deandra: I see.
Jenna Dapananian: But don't worry, I'm pretty sure this door, it'll pop right off, we'll just—hi-ya! (punches open door) See, yeah! There you go, it's just like you're pooping in the room now.
Deandra: Thank you Jenna, your ingenuity is appreciated.
Jenna Dapananian: Whoo! You ever feel like you just wanna like fight somebody?!
Rachel: Yeah.
Judith: Kind of feelin that way right now.
Deandra: Can you guys please keep down in there. I need to bring myself to a calm place in order to perform, ok? I need complete silence. (pooping noises) Except for that. Except for that. Except for that. Except for that. That's fine. That was me. That's fine.
Mackenzie: I don't know Trisha, I have a bad feeling.
Trisha 2: Oh? Cuz of those tamales?
Mackenzie: No! Not because of the tamales. I'm worried about Brittnay. Where is she? This isn't good Trisha. If something happened, I'll never forgive myself.
Trisha 2: Well you can always just ask her. She's right there.

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